15 Nov 2013
PTSD is your conscience and your Sunday school teacher sitting on your shoulder on the Judges bench evaluating your actions commenting on the bomb you dropped or the bullet you fired.
It is the mother and the child of the guy whose head you just blew off in your soul and in your guts screaming at you. It is the VC you just executed whose hat flew off revealing a woman. It is the little girl screaming whose skin stuck to her cloths when you burned her to a frazzle with napalm.
PTSD is the haunting you f'n deserve for the evil shit your government makes you do cause they are so completely inept at their job. It is the rage against the beast of Wall Street and the oil companies and arms manufacturers who profit from the stuff you blow to pieces to create demand. If is your humanity punching your inhumanity right in the god damned nose cause you aren't man enough to confront the bastards who did this to you and shove their face into the maggot pile you created.
Your angry they turned you into a hating machine filled with rage. I worked with the enemies of my father and came to love them as human beings. They were like brothers. How could we be so turned against each other by those pricks in politics?
These are the kinds of demons that the psyche of PTSD victims suffer with and this is what the training did to you if you survive and have a conscience. If you go back there thats what your soul is dealing with. My dad suffered these things but to me he was a a hero who gave me freedom and life. It was so painful for him to talk about his inner war.
My buddies who went to Nam suffered PTSD dealt with such demons. In hindsight we are all victims of a brainwashing machine highly perfected by society over millennia of war always for some noble leader who we are convinced is right. In the end there are no winners, we all become losers.
I mean no personal attack against anyone. I say these things because I felt these things with my Dad and my buddies who we shared painful personal feelings with because the kids of PTSD suffer too for their pain and so do the wives and other relatives and friends. I gotta tell you I knew after we spilled our guts out PTSD isn't just for soldiers. It can happen to anyone in society that is put through indignity, abuse and pain and who is helpless against the power of the beast we let loose to govern our human interactions.
What you learn from war is that the bottom line for those guys in power is that blood will flow and you will be the flow-er or the flow-eee and they don't give a shit about you or anyones life. Just the power. The power to administer the death sentence.
Copyright 2013 Jorma Jyrkkanen. All rights reserved.
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